Category Archives: faith

5 D’s in Raising Boys

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I’ve been thinking lately about what sons need. What they need growing up. Thought about my four, obviously. And I came up with this simplified list, not all-inclusive and in no particular order but some of the things I think, from my experience are important.

Dirt

Little boys need dirt. They need to be outside, to dig in it, to marvel at creation, to watch ants and worms, (ok, they probably won’t just watch them) to find holes and wonder what is in them, to make tracks with their trucks, to feel it between their fingers and toes. They should get dirty and sweaty and smelly. Give them a shovel and let them dig holes, get them outside!

Dog

Every boy should have something that breathes to take care of. We are partial to dogs here, but we also have a cat, had a rabbit , but dogs are our favorite. Yes, having an animal costs money, requires a lot of nagging reminding to feed etc., requires time, but the pay-off is so worth it. After all, having a pet teaches empathy, sacrifice, commitment, unconditional love.

Dominion

It started in the garden. Men are created to conquer, to test their limits, to have something that they can triumph over.  You’ve got to find what will make your son feel confidant in himself. Don’t let fear hinder. My husband bought our sons boxing gloves and they would deck each other on Saturday mornings. He also taught them to wrestle. Sports are great, or spelling bees, missions trips to foreign lands, working with real tools, camping, working on their first car, the point is, finding something that challenges them!

Direction

Yes, young boys need men, real men, Godly and good in their lives. They also need heroes. G. A. Henty’s novels are great, as well as biographies of missionaries (“Before I eat and kill you” comes to mind and “High Adventures in Tibet”) and be selective with the movies, music and material that comes into your home. My oldest son, loved the movie “Chariots of Fire.” Thankfully, my sons have a father who is the same both in the pulpit and at home, and who if he wasn’t working, spent his time with his favorite people, his family.

Discipline

Sons need to be both disciplined and discipled.  Discipled (taught) to have discipline in their lives. Young men need to have self-control, control over their selves, their emotions & hormones. They need to be taught to follow through, to overcome, to be a leader and not a follower. Most importantly they need to have FAITH, to believe in miracles, the impossible, to be a valiant man of God.

What an honor it is to raise sons! To see little rascals become great husbands and fathers, servants in His Kingdom!

 

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Top Ten Ways to Ruin Your Kids for Life by Tricia Goyer – Church World Direct

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Top Ten Ways to Ruin Your Kids for Life by Tricia Goyer – Church World Direct.

I would also add to this list: 11.  Allow unrestricted access to internet/cable/literature.

On of my greatest concerns especially if you have preteen or teenage sons, is a lack of parental controls on the above.  Invest in online security services, use passwords and locks and be diligent! I not only have to do password and locks on our satellite service, but I also have to block specific channels.  If I don’t, even if the content is blocked, just by scrolling through the channels one can still read the descriptions of the garbage shows that appear on adult channels, which really ticks me off. Also check out the safe search options in search engines.  It takes time but the time not taken will in the long run yield too high of a price.

I hate porn, I hate its’ effects, I hate the insidiousness of its’ lies.  I hate its’ destruction of innocence and its’ entanglement.

I am going to stop now.  I am starting to get worked up and I won’t get anything else done today.  Because it makes me so mad.

As always, committed to helping you in your journey!

 

 

crying

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I know it must be hard for the ministers, priests and pastors in Boston right now.  Trying to explain the unexplainable.  The inexcusable.  The unfathomable.  To the hurting.  To those afraid and angry.

One day, awhile back, I was driving one of our pregnant moms to the doctor.  She was miscarrying.  What to say? I was stumped, I prayed and the only thing I could think of to say was, “this sucks.” I went five years to Bible College, had been in the ministry for over 20 years and that was it?  And yet, it was the perfect thing to say to her.

Life is hard. And when our hearts are overwhelmed and there are no words, God says come. Just come.  Say whatever you want, however your want. He understands. He has promised healing for hurts, and hope for hopelessness.

I know this because He has done this for me, and for the mom crying out to Him in my van that day.

The New Modesty Makeover | RELEVANT Magazine

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The New Modesty Makeover | RELEVANT Magazine.

I love this article!

The author is right in saying modesty is a huge and complex topic.  Here are some of my thoughts as a married, older women who has been in ministry for awhile :  )

We pastor an urban church.  Someone once told us we had a “metropolitan church” which was really nice but the truth is we are reaching the poor, the forgotten, the fragile, the lost.   I don’t care how women are dressed when they come to church! Obviously, I hope they are dressed.  And sometimes I wonder if a dress could get any shorter or tighter. But if we reach the heart and teach them they are loved, valued and accepted for who they are, the outward becomes a reflection of the inward.

We use to work with someone who felt women wearing sleeveless outfits was immodest.  I know, right? I dress to please my husband. A little paint, some controlling undergarments, a nice outfit, he’s happy, I’m happy. If I am at a church function having fun in the sun I would wear a t-shirt or sarong over my one piece bathing suit : ) But if I am just with my husband vacationing, I’d wear my sexy one piece bathing suit.  (Sadly after four children, no more bikinis for me.) And I would not have any FB pics posted. Hello.

Then for our homeschooling years, we had the blue jean jumpers.  Which I never had. But I am not going to get started on that.

I also think this conversation needs to include men dressing immodestly.  Especially men in the ministry.

Really, we need grace all the way around.  This will be a topic I’d like to come back too.

Gonna be ruminating on this for a while.

Ok I’m done.

 

friends

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My second son will be moving back to nola when he graduates from Bible College in Springfield, MO.  This kind of surprises me.  My oldest and his wife live in nola and my third is in college in nola and he and the youngest still live at home.  They all like spending time with us.  You’d think after 18 years of pretty much always being home and with me (especially!) 24/7, they’d fly far, far away!

In raising them, we knew that we were the parents, and we set boundaries, expectations,  rules, and were consistent (most of the time) in disciplining.  We all worked hard but we played hard.  We did not try to make them like us, but we apologized if we got something wrong and were quick to restore relationship.

24 years later, our adult children are also our friends and co-workers, making possible a God-called dream to plant a church in the urban center of a great city.  I can’t say enough how blessed I am : )

encourage

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ImageThis is my challenge, to encourage others.  This is probably a good thing for a pastor to do (smile).  One of our mentors, a pastor in his 70’s, said that that is probably the #1 need for people today, to be encouraged.  I might just suck at this a little.  Cause I get wrapped up in to-do lists and thinking ahead to the next thing that I don’t focus on those in front of me.  This I need to do. Now. I want it to be a habit, like breathing. To see the exceptional that is in everyone and letting them know, that I see.  To encourage means to “To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence.” I know I need more hope, courage and confidence. I think I read somewhere that I will reap what I sow (wink).

Thanks Melanie @ www.OnlyABreath.com for the button!

 

just say ok, ok?

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My guy is a dreamer.  In a big way.  This has not always been easy.  Saw this today by @LysaTerKeurst, “better reactions will lead to better relationships.”  I wish I could tell my 25 year-old self to first say ok to every idea my husband told me.  Yes some were fear inducing, as in “let’s move to New Orleans with three small children and no income, to follow the call of God.” Saying ok, is an exercise in faith.  Does it always pan out? Not always.  Does my husband value me and my opinion? Of course.  I trust my husband, but I trust my God more. I used to be so quick to say all the “buts” and “what ifs” and allow fear to take hold.  Now, I take a deep breath, say ok, and wait and see Him working in me, in us and in our family.  So try it, just say ok, ok?